Psychological Reasons for Infidelity

When someone is unfaithful to their spouse, the first assumption is that they “can’t keep it in their pants”. The idea that a man or even a woman is incapable of being faithful due to the physical urge to have sex is a bit far-fetched though. Most infidelity is psychological in nature and stems from the expectations and needs that every human being has in a relationship. So, before making any assumptions, take the time to understand the psychological reasons for infidelity and how to deal with them before it becomes an issue.

Emotional Prominence One of the most common psychological reasons for infidelity is the lack of prominence in a partner’s life. If a spouse starts spending more time at work, with friends, or even with children, they feel neglected and unappreciated.

Not only do most people assume they are the most important part of their spouse’s life, they want to feel important, and likely have felt important for many years since marriage. So, when that importance fades away, they look for someone else to bestow it upon them – and that often leads to an affair.

Self-Esteem As we get older, our self-esteem can often take a hit, either because of the growing emotional rift between us and our spouse or because of physical aging and our perception of our bodies. As far as psychological reasons for infidelity go, self-esteem is near the top of the list. People want to feel attractive and when their spouse stops trying, they will look for someone else to bestow that mantle of beauty or masculinity on them.

This extends to physical interaction as well. When you stop having sex with your partner as often, they feel less important and less attractive. A sexually active relationship in an affair can bridge that gap, whether superficially or not.

Depression or “Boredom” Often times, as a couple gets older, one or both of them may start to feel “bored” with their relationship. If you get off work the same time, eat the same foods, watch the same shows, and go to bed at the same time, boredom is an obvious result, but often it’s not boredom you’re feeling; it’s a basic form of depression.

Somewhere inside, you want to do things that are exciting or unpredictable. At the very least, you want to discover new things and enjoy life with your partner. When this stops happening, you feel as though life has lost some of its lustre. The result is an emotional vacuum that some men and women seek to fill with another partner.

Feeling Misunderstood At the end of the day, every relationship is about communication and basic understanding. Being able to sit down and discuss your problems, compare notes, and understand how your spouse is feeling is one of the greatest parts of marriage. When that level of understanding falls apart or disappears completely, it leaves a big gap in a once healthy relationship. This can drive some men or women to find another who will understand them on the level they desire.

Finding a partner who you feel comfortable, happy, and safe with for the rest of your life is a tremendous moment. So, it can be heart breaking when you feel yourselves being pulled apart. Rather than letting these psychological causes of infidelity lead to a broken marriage, take action early to bridge the rift and get closer than ever.